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Writer's pictureDarshika Singh

How to Deep Talk with the Most Challenging Person in Your Life

We all have someone we trust—a friend, a partner, or a family member. When we connect deeply with someone, sharing feels effortless. Conversations move beyond the surface and touch on dreams, fears, values, or life’s bigger questions. This is what we often call a “deep talk.”


But you know what I’ve realized? The hardest person to have a deep talk with is… myself.


Yes, you heard that right. Talking to myself—truly opening up to me—is tougher than it sounds. It’s not because I don’t want to; it’s because it’s uncomfortable, even scary.


Why Is It So Hard to Talk to Myself?

When I try to check in with myself, I often hear nothing. Or worse, I hear emotions I’ve ignored for years. My body and mind feel like strangers. And honestly, I’ve been a terrible listener to myself.


For example, when I push too hard—ignoring rest or my limits—my body responds with exhaustion or sickness. But do I listen? Rarely. I dismiss it, saying, “Oh, I’ll be fine.” I care so much about others that I forget to care for me.


When I finally pause and ask, “How are you, really?” I’m met with an overwhelming flood of feelings. The simplest questions—Are you okay? Are you tired today?—can bring tears to my eyes. Why?


Because it feels like a surprise visit. Like someone knocked on my door unexpectedly, and I wasn’t ready to answer.


Facing the Uncomfortable

When I start a deep talk with myself, emotions I’ve buried for years rise to the surface. Memories, worries, and pain come rushing in, and it’s more than I feel capable of handling. A question like, What’s your fear? can trigger tears or anxiety.


But here’s the thing: avoiding those conversations doesn’t make the feelings go away. They linger, waiting for a moment to spill out—through tears, outbursts, or even physical illness.

It’s scary, yes. But it’s also necessary.


Why Self-Talk Matters

In a world full of noise—where everyone has an opinion or a story to tell—it’s easy to forget that the most important voice is our own. We spend so much time listening to others that we neglect the one person who truly knows us: ourselves.


When we don’t talk to ourselves, when we don’t listen, it creates a void. Who else is going to understand our struggles, fears, and dreams if we don’t?


Deep self-talk is not just about reflection; it’s about healing. It’s about finding that quiet corner of your mind where you can be honest, raw, and real with yourself.


Apologizing to Myself

I’ve had to apologize to myself recently.


“Dear me, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being more attentive to others than to you. I’m sorry for neglecting your needs and silencing your voice. I’m sorry for not asking how you feel, what you need, or what’s on your mind. But I promise, I’ll try.”


It’s not an easy journey. Some days, I don’t feel like checking in. Some days, I feel too tired to face the discomfort. But I know that every small step counts.


Steps to Start a Deep Talk with Yourself

  1. Create a Safe Space

    Find a quiet moment where you can be alone. Whether it’s journaling, meditating, or just sitting in silence, create an environment where you feel safe to open up.

  2. Start Small

    Begin with simple questions like:

    • How am I feeling today?

    • What made me happy recently?

    • What’s been bothering me?

  3. Listen Without Judgment

    Let the emotions come, even if they feel overwhelming. Cry if you need to. Feel what needs to be felt.

  4. Be Patient

    Building a relationship with yourself takes time. You wouldn’t expect to bond with a new friend overnight, so why rush this process?

  5. Celebrate Small Wins

    Every time you check in, every time you answer honestly, it’s a victory. Celebrate it, no matter how small it seems.


Becoming My Own Best Friend

The goal is to build a relationship with myself where I feel safe, understood, and cared for. I want to know why I react the way I do when I’m sad or angry. I want to understand my likes, dislikes, fears, and dreams.


Someday, I hope I can be my own best friend. Someone I can trust, confide in, and rely on.


A Final Thought

If you’ve been avoiding that deep talk with yourself, it’s okay. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Start slow, be kind to yourself, and remember that even the smallest effort can lift a little weight off your chest.


Dear reader, take a moment today to check in with yourself. Ask, “How am I, really?” You might be surprised by the answer—and how much it can change your life.


That’s all for now. Here’s to opening up and finding peace within.

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